Sanctuary.

Haven.

Hidey hole.

Safehouse.

Cocoon.

Whatever you want to call it, we’ve lived in it for the last 100 days…doing our part to prevent the spread of Covid-19 by limiting our exposure, stepping beyond our threshold only when necessary…and rarely seeing anyone outside our “quaranteam.”

Some days it seems as though the world has moved on, but we are still here. Sometimes it’s lonely and sometimes it’s isolating.

But we’re not out of the woods yet. Some states are currently seeing a rise in new cases (including Missouri), but thankfully the cases of Covid-19 in St. Louis seem to be falling.

We wear masks when we go out, we still have our groceries and take-out delivered. But we now sit outdoors and swim with our friends and extended family. We go on walks and bike rides.

Heck, I even opened Jenny’s Covid Cuts — haha.  

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We’re not ready for parties, sleepovers or to have other families dine in our home. I’m not ready to sit inside a restaurant or venture into local shops. I’m definitely not ready to attend an event with a large crowd or go to church. To be honest, the risk of being around a large group just isn’t worth the risk no matter how much we miss it.   

It seems that Eric and the boys are more accepting of social distancing than I am (on the whole). They are still connecting with friends via video games, TikTok, text and FaceTime. And for the moment, that seems to work pretty well for them.

I do think Ethan feels a little more FOMO (fear of missing out) than Max. I have more FOMO than both of them combined.

I’ve struggled lately with feeling like we’re on an island, and if I’m feeling this way—I have to imagine others are, too. (I know my sister does.) 

However, it’s easy to forget that I’m not alone. Especially when friends extend invitations to parties…when family members attend weddings and go to church…when your hairdresser calls to ask if you’re ready to make an appointment…when your child wants to have a friend sleepover…when your child’s classmates attend a summer camp together…when you see the pictures your friends post having fun without you…when your coach tells you they are canceling their online zoom workouts because everyone else has come back to the gym.

Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it could be a lot worse.

And our backyard oasis almost makes me forget the world’s troubles. We are employed, healthy and happy albeit a bit socially deprived. 

I know first hand that quarantine fatigue and caution fatigue are real. I sometimes swing from one end of the spectrum of caution and care to the other…in the course of a day…or hour.

This isn’t easy for anyone. None of us have lived through a pandemic. There is no manual for how to get through this. The information we receive is conflicting and sometimes confusing.

We are choosing to move forward with caution because we feel it’s what’s best for our family. However, we also are taking precautions out of concern for our friends, neighbors, the medical community and for those we don’t even know.

I realize it will continue to become more difficult to social distance as the summer wanes, but we are committed to lay low this summer. The longer we can wait, the more time we give researchers and medical specialists to learn about this virus.

We don’t know the right answer, we just know what we feel is best for our family. And every family is very, very different. 

We yearn to be a part of “normal” life, sporting events, social activities, dinners out, etc. We ache to spend more time with friends and family, but only if we can follow the guidelines and be cautious. Max has an autoimmune disorder and many of our relatives are high-risk.

And there is nothing out there worth taking the risk for. It doesn’t mean I’m living in fear, it means I am trying to take the precautions I feel are best to help protect those I love. And for some of us, this virus is more dangerous. It’s for those people that I still choose to stay inside. 

Our motto has been to continue to be as safe as we can for as long as we can (which will probably be the start of the school year).

Seeing friends and family has been a huge sanity saver. Max is probably the most hesitant about moving forward. If school is in session this August, he says he’s going to be homeschooled. Oy vey.

Ethan has even gained a girlfriend while being stuck at home: Carmen, one of his best preschool buddies. They have known each other since they were 1-year old. She dropped off some candy for E and Max so they could have some driveway time. They hadn’t seen each other for 9 years!

We’ve been keeping busy by finishing old projects, working toward our summer goals, cooking, organizing, working, playing with Phoebe.

My latest project was staining and arranging some love letters in the stairwell. Ethan was so sweet and said, “WOW, mom! I feel like I live in a museum with actual artwork!” Max wasn’t as impressed. He said, “Mom, I think we have enough motivational sayings on the wall.”

LOL. Everyone’s a critic!

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Eric has been grilling and smoking up meats and fruits…and pretty much anything that’s not nailed down :) 

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The boys continue to grow and stretch even though they are limited by the confines of our home. They continue to spend time practicing piano, building puzzles, coding in Scratch, reading, playing in the pool, riding bikes and of course, gaming with friends.

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My goal is to create as many “normal” moments and memories for the boys as possible this summer.

I hope when Ethan and Max look back on this year, they won’t feel that they were deprived or lonely. I hope they only remember we did what we felt we needed to do to keep them safe and sound.